Uber Alles:

The tales of the Geneva Shore Report Uber driver.


Global warming works its way into my Uber business. Rain comes up for no reason at all and from nowhere predicted. A cold front moves in with lightning speed and drops the temperature thirty degrees in less than an hour. Mix these changes and others well, and then pour in a good portion of alcohol. Riders who remember to book an Uber, figuring they are going to get smashed or maybe afraid they will, make small town Uber driving quite profitable. The only ride more profitable is a run to one of the big airports a good distance away.

On one such cold and rainy night (on Tuesday) I picked up Edna and her husband Edward. They got in the car laughing in the rain, in front of Thumbs Up. No problem. Their mood seemed outstandingly good and contagious so I asked them if they called each other Ed at home. That was the end of their celebratory good will. The laughing went away too. I presumed it went where my tip was going. I delivered them to Sugar Shack. They went in, but left no tip.

They did rebook for two hours later, though, so I thought I might win my way to a tip on the flip side. I knew I was probably out of luck when they came out of the strip joint. Edna was upset because Ed had gone into the back room for a private lap dance. That had bothered Edna, but not nearly as much as a stripper stopping by to tell her that it was legal for a man and woman in Wisconsin to do anything for money inside a private locked room. When her husband came back to her the real fun began inside the strip joint.

Edna went around interviewing other guests and employees trying to find out if the Wisconsin statue really existed. When they got in the car Edna related it all, as I tried to get them over to the western shore of the lake, where they lived, as fast as I could. I didn’t see that the discussion could go anywhere good. Finally, Edna asked me my opinion of the law. I thought for a moment and then asked her if it made any difference.

“Isn’t it more important what your husband was doing in the room, rather than whether it was legal or not?” Edna looked at Ed. Ed looked at me. The only fear in the car was in me looking at both of them. Somewhere in the Uber Operators Manual it says something about drivers keeping their mouths shut.

No tip. Again. Back to the manual.

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